There are a couple of reasons why relationships fail. Considering that our relationships are one of the most important things we could get out of this life, thinking how we could sabotage our own happiness is crucial. Here are some reasons that explain how we ruin our relationships and how we can prevent it from melting down.
While you’re still single, it’s very easy to think about the perfect relationship or the perfect mate. You can’t help it, with all the media and the hype going around. If you browse through social media sites or on popular websites, you’ll see how people try to define perfection. As you are more exposed to that, your own perception about what is perfect and what’s acceptable will also be reshaped. It’s easy to think that fairy-tale romances exist with all those couples posting seemingly perfect pictures.
This creates an unhealthy atmosphere even when you still don’t have a partner. Once you do find a partner, you’ll think that you don’t need to exert any kind of effort since it was ‘meant to be’. The false belief that relationships should be easy will sooner or later undermine any great (but not perfect) relationships you will have.
If you or your partner has been through a crappy relationship in the past, chances are that they will also expect the same crappiness from your current relationship. The difficulty in moving on from a traumatic relationship can be damaging to future relationships since trust is not there. Since the previous relationship was ended in a messy fashion and they haven’t gotten over it, comparing the present partner with the past one is inevitable.
You should realize that your current partner is different than your previous one. They think different, were raised differently, and have different life experiences. In addition, if you still haven’t fully recovered from your past relationships then you shouldn’t commit to a new one immediately. It will only end up with more frustration and disappointment for the both of you.
Use of Masks
The reliance on technology is a very difficult thing to overcome. Of course, it’s very convenient for couples who can’t be together physically for a number of reasons. These reasons could be about career, finances, or education. In these situations, technology can help connect the couple. However if technology is used for the majority of the relationship time, then getting to know your partner fully is almost impossible.
Behind the use of technology, people can use masks easily. They can pretend to be a kind person or a caring person when it’s the other way around. This is partly due to trying to become the person that they perceive their partner to be. This can be very taxing to maintain in the long run and once the masks come off, it can disappoint their partner and the relationship doesn’t last long.
Know Yourself First
When you hear the word ‘relationship’, you immediately think about your relationships with other people – only that. However to have a successful relationship with others, you need to know yourself first. What we’re talking about is to love and appreciate your own quirks and personality before you depend on another person’s affirmation.
Getting to know yourself means that you know what your needs are or what you’re looking for in a relationship. This will then lead to you deciding what kind of person can fulfill those needs. This will help you focus on what you’re really looking for in a relationship and not get distracted by the outside qualities of a person. After all, fulfilling your core needs should come first and if it gets left out then you will end up looking for it somewhere else even though you have an existing relationship already.
When you were raised, you were probably taught that success should always be on your mind. Failure is never an option and should be avoided at all costs. Sadly, this has spilled over from the career area and onto your relationships. You become so focused on getting that ‘perfect’ boy or girl that you completely skip the part of getting to know them well and building the necessary relationship foundations first.
This is why when trouble seems to loom in the horizon, bailing out is the first option rather than working hard for your relationship. Panicking and quitting a relationship immediately is more important rather than fighting and risking failure. In the end, instead of gaining important relationship lessons, you might have quitted while it was still early in the relationship.
This is one of the major reasons why relationships crash and burn. However, knowing about yourself and your partner can easily prevent this remedy. The reason why this happens in the first place is that text messages, emails, or phone conversations can be easily blown out of context. Since you can’t see the facial expression or body language of your partner as they send you that message, you can easily interpret it as something else.
No, we’re not talking about a long-distance relationship (yet). First, being too emotionally distant from your partner can really affect your communication. If you don’t talk about the little things or just talk with each other constantly, then a barrier will grow and this can lead to grisly relationship endings.
Now onto long-distance relationships; for this part technology can really be a vital tool. Having an end goal that the both of you agree on can help make it work. Of course, in a long-distance relationship, trust will be tried and tested. Before you even start one, it’s best to sit down with your partner and have a long talk about what you expect from each other in specific situations. Setting limits while you can still personally talk with each other can help avoid contempt and bickering in the future.
When we’re still trying to woo another person’s heart, we put our best foot forward. In the beginning, you or your partner might have planned date nights, surprises, or other romantic events. As soon as you got comfortable with each other though, putting any thoughts or energy into the relationship ceases.
Although this is a fatal mistake to make in a relationship, one partner can’t leave all of this to the other one. The both of you have to work in getting that flame back. It can start with simple things like sharing responsibilities, taking turns for date night, or surprising each other with meals.
It takes the effort from both people to make relationships work, but it can only take one person to be the reason why a relationship fails. Remember that a relationship is a long-term commitment and you both have to weather the storm. Lastly, even if you’re already in a long-term relationship, never forget to keep your communication lines open. It might be the difference between making your relationship last or having it implode without warning.